I saw two films today....
In something I may continue with in this blog, along with the general bollocks and the slightly mental ranting. I thought I'd have a go at film reviewing. Now, these aren't to be taken seriously or should be any basis of decision making on your part. I like humans who can think for themselves. But anyway..
I saw two films today, one was better than the other, in two examples.
The first, Killer Klowns From Outer Space.
This was hilarious. And bad, in a good way mind. The plot, if you haven't gathered from the title involves the titular "Klowns" being aliens from... somewhere space-y. It's never elaborated on and it's all the better for it! Who cares where these giggling beasties come from? Let's just see what they do to the poor people of Cove Crescent. Be it popcorn guns, balloon-animal bloodhounds or turning victims into sinister ventriloquist dummies, these klowns have an epic arsenal of circus-based weaponry. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning...
We meet the populace of Cove Crescent, young lovers Mike and Debbie see a shooting star in the sky while they're at the local make out spot. Investigating they come across a newly arrived, lit-up big top, which have some very unusual performers....
After narrowly escaping, the pair along with a couple of other characters, including a pair of Ice-Cream Van driving brothers. I'd say they're probably the comic relief, but this film is part comedy so that's redundant. But it's a hell of a daft film and well worth a watch, most of the film involves the klowns capturing the populace in outlandish ways. I will never ever trust shadow puppets ever again... That and it has a killer soundtrack.
The second one I watched was Dorian Grey.
I hope I don't need to explain the plot, but for the sake of clarity here it is in a nutshell. Dorian's a young, handsome man about town. HE gets a painting done whilst he's young and good looking, then he stops ageing. And the painting starts. After years of youthful decadence, he's gets bored or scared, that he's done something stupid and panics. The painting you see, has every wrinkle, blemish and injury Dorian's ever received since it's completion. Bum bum, BUUUUUUUM!!!
It was an okay adaptation, if I'm honest, all the bits were there, Dorian being a young berk, the painting , him not ageing. But it was a bit boring, Dorian and his mate (whose name I can't remember. It may have been Henry)had a lot of screentime together which is all well and good. And there was lots of naughty debauchery on Dorian's part. But not enough consequences. Dorian honestly didn't show much of a change when he wanted to repent. He got all teary-eyed and then went to a priest. But I wanted a long montage of him realising what a bastard he was, dammit! He was being a debauched Bacchus-child for a good few years, at least twenty judging by the old people's make-up and the change in backdrop. Oh, and Rebecca Hall's character's age. Where was all the horrific nightmarish shit he got up to?!That would have been fantastic, seeing him suffer from Acid-tinged flashbacks featuring grossly surreal imagery of women in corsets and men in very little (No really, Dorian likes both). It should have been like the video for Lyla by Oasis only with Period dress.
As you may be able to tell, I didn't reckon much to Mr. Grey's shenanigans. Still the final look of the painting was pretty good. You don't see that many period zombies nowadays. At least, until the film of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies comes out...
Overall, I want you to guess which film I liked more...
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